a lover's dictionary
by daughter-of-october
Summary: [Characters: Laxus Dreyar, Cana Alberona] # Summary: From a like aberrant to z like zenith. [Drabble collection inspired by 'The Lover's Dictionary' written by David Levithan.]
1. a - from aberrant to awhile

**A lover's dictionary**

_Inspired by the amazing novel 'The Lover's Dictionary' written by David Levithan_

* * *

_aberrant_, adj.

Gray Fullbuster had known Cana Alberona for the longest time of his life and if anyone would have told him that she would fall in love with Laxus Dreyar, he would have laughed until he had cried because the idea seemed so ridiculous, so peculiar. And yet when he thought about it after it had actually happened he realised that it fit. They had both issues with their fathers. They were both capable of pulling of one of the three great Fairy Tail Spells.

So maybe, it would really work out. This was the hope Gray felt.

Anything else would be addressed later on.

* * *

_abstain_, v.

He knew that something was off when she turned down his offer of a drink. She had never turned down such an offer before because in the end, she was Cana Alberona and she was infamous for her drinking habit – inside the guild and out of it.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, curiously worried.

"No," she lied. "Drink for me too, yes?"

He sipped on his drink. "Tell me," he asked.

Her face was serious when she said calmly: "I am pregnant."

And then, she started to laugh. He did not laugh. "Who's the father?" he asked.

She slapped him, hard enough for her wedding band to leave a trace.

* * *

_abstraction_, n.

Little did the world know but Laxus Dreyar was quite the philosopher when he was drunk and even more so when it was late at night. Therefore was a sentence like _love is abstract_ no big surprise to his fiancée who looked up from her magazine. She, too, got often strangely philosophic when it was late and alcohol was involved and so she answered: "When I am not here with you, what am I?"

He smiled warmly, a smile hardly anyone else ever saw before, and he pressed a kiss into her palm. "I am there, so you are Cana," he whispered. "I can't be Laxus without you and you can't be Cana without me. It works in both directions."

* * *

_abyss_, n.

His betrayal hurt worse than her father's ignorance and abandonment. She had trusted him with her secrets, her life, hell, even with her heart and he had stabbed her into the back. She cursed him day and night as she started to doubt his sincerity with her for the first time in her life. She regretted what she had given him willingly, what he had accepted gladly. And more than anything else, she regretted the time she had wasted on him, trying to create a 'we'.

Because in the end, she had thrown her heart into a dark, bottomless abyss and would never get it back from this place.

* * *

_acronym_, n.

He had an incredibly dry and awkward sense of humour and the bad habit of listening to Bixslow of all people when the other mage suggested something. This was how the shirt with the acronym LDASGF _(Laxus Dreyar's amazingly sexy girlfriend)_ was born. Evergreen's face was crimson when her teammate told her of the present for the unsuspecting Card Mage and Fried could not help but chuckle when he heard from Mira that Laxus had spent a few nights on the couch.

The Thundergod Tribe's leader could not help but wonder whether Laxus had deserved it – if not for the insult then for the stupidity of listening to Bixslow of all people.

* * *

_adamant_, adj.

She was quite stubborn about a few things and when he claimed that his father had passed the S-class exam a year before hers had done the same, they were in the middle of a full-fledged argument before they even knew how they had gotten to this topic in first place. To appease her before she could find the cards, they checked the dates in the guild's chronicles and when he realised that she was right, he acted like it was an exception that she was right. For a second, she considered leaving him there and then and for the smallest fracture of a second, she had already slammed the damn door shut behind her.

* * *

_akin_, adj.

When they first met as children, they sat for three hours in Makarov's study as the guild master tried to figure out how to proceed with Cana. Seeing that the little girl was quite nervous, Laxus decided to talk with her in order to calm her down a little bit. At the end of their conversation, they had learned that they had both read and adored 'StormySea', the biography of two former wizard saints, that they both preferred milk with honey over hot chocolate, that they were both quite ticklish and that they liked cats more than dogs. And their shared favourite colour was red. Later on, he claimed – in a rather intoxicated state – that this was when he realised that she was his soul mate.

* * *

_aloof_, adj.

She nearly hated him when he became so cold and distanced as a teenager because this was no longer the Laxus she had known his her childhood. This was no longer her partner in crime, the one who had helped her to make hot milk with honey when she had had a nightmare. She often wanted to ask him why he had changed like this but while the question was burning on her tongue, she never asked. The question was the result of desperation and yet, she kept facing it even though she knew that she would never know an answer.

* * *

_arcane_, n.

Card Magic was mysterious to him – especially when he learned of her disturbingly precise predictions for the future. He found himself appreciative for this type of magic – but that was probably because he liked her as a person. That new kid, Natsu, had some freakish magic – Dragon Slayer Magic, tsk – and while many people in the guild kept admiring him because he had the potential of becoming a really strong mage. Laxus noticed this strength but he also saw Cana with her dark hair and her colourful cards. She was an enigma to him and he liked it this way.

* * *

_arduous_, adj.

There had always been some kind of effort from her side before she had reached her goal. While she had been a natural at Card Magic, she had had to work hard on it anyway and this was okay for her. Hard work was the fate of a mage anyway and she accepted that she would be no exception. Therefore, she had understood that their relationship would also require some work. Some might even say that she had been very much disillusioned compared to her female nakama. Laxus had, on the other hand, always appreciated this pragmatic streak of her.

* * *

_autonomy_, n.

"I want my own shelf for my mother's old diaries," she announced and for a moment, she was so vulnerable and small because to admit that she had kept such a keepsake for so long was difficult for her – especially because she knew that he had never met his mother and therefore had no strong sentimental memories of the woman who had given birth to him.

He did not turn around. He simply nodded. "One shelf for you, alright," he said.

And this was when she really believed that living together would work out, that their relationship would work out.

* * *

_awhile_, adv.

He knew that she had never liked this word because it was so damn vague. It would always be a while until Gildarts would return. It would be always a while until he would come back from wherever he had been on his last mission. Therefore, he was tried to give her more exact information whenever he was left for a job – this time, he could not do this and for the first time since that first kiss, he had to hide behind the word she hated so much.

"I am sorry, Cana. This will take a while."


	2. b - from balk to breathtaking

_balk_, v.

He offered her his help to prepare for her sixth (and hopefully last) S-class exam. And he was still saying it when he already considered the consequences if she would fail for some crazy reason. He had seen the list of candidates and with the exception of Gajeel and Natsu, she should be able to defeat everyone in the group of eight. He found consolation in the fact that if she would fail once more, the state of her injuries would probably a far bigger problem than the question whether he could have prepared her better.

He did not exhale, however, until she came back – victorious at least.

(Gajeel and Natsu had knocked each other out and had been disqualified in the first round.)

* * *

_banal_, adj.

Sometimes, late at night in his empty apartment, he wondered why he had fallen in love with her. Looking back, he realised that it had been probably the small things in their relationship that had made it grow – such as their shared favourite colour, their love for the book called 'Stormy Sea' – and probably also the way she had screamed at him with her cheeks in the most beautiful shade of crimson when he had nearly gotten himself killed on an S-class job.

Needless to say, he came up with far more reasons when alcohol was involved and seeing that he was dating Cana, it usually was.

* * *

_barfly_, n.

She had the gift of being able to chat with everyone at the guild – a gift he did not have and so he often watched her from his place in the corner of the room while she chatted easily with Natsu and Lisanna before she switched tables and sat with Levy and Gray for a moment. He often wondered if it would be easier for him if he were able to talk to other people and at the same time, he wanted for her to sit down on the free chair next to him.

"He, Laxus," her voice suddenly reached his ear. "Is that chair taken?"

He shook his head and she plopped down on it, exhaling slowly and sighing deeply.

"Are you okay?" he inquired as he scrutinised her for a moment.

"Give me a moment and I will be," she replied and the cheerful tune left her voice. Her happy smile vanished as well and for a moment, she looked simply exhausted. Then, she carefully rearranged her facial expression and smiled again. "There," she said. "Cheerful Cana is back."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Don't hide who you really are," he whispered.

* * *

_basis_, n.

There had been a moment when she had wondered whether she loved him or the feeling of being loved, of being appreciated after all the abandonment she had faced. This moment had passed a few minutes later when she had remembered that he had been there for a very long time. He had been the first friend she had made in her childhood, even before Gray because he had been there before Gray had joined the guild. And if this was not enough reason to love Laxus, she got no clue what would be a decent reason.

She was in love, after all.

* * *

_beguile_, v.

The moment she removed her jacket, just before she was going to strike that stupid MPF-thing, Laxus Dreyar realised that he was irrevocably in love with Cana Alberona. This realisation came so surprisingly easy to him that he realised that it had been there, just waiting to surface for a very long time. Sure, they had been dating again since their return from Tenrou-Island and while he had known that he liked her more than any other living being since she had been seventeen, he had never quite realised how much he loved the enigma known as Cana Alberona.

She had caught him in her web – and he would never even try to escape.

* * *

_belittle _ v.

Laxus was seconds from being killed. His girlfriend was fuming and seeing that she had managed to get her cards, it might end up very painful for him. For a short moment, he was wondered what he had done to deserve her fury but then, he remembered that he had just tried to talk her out of the job she and Juvia wanted to take on together. In all the months he had spent away, he had completely forgotten that Cana did not appreciate his comments on her decisions.

"Laxus – I am not a child anymore," she said, pocketing her cards. "Please stop acting like I might get hurt the very second I step out the guild."

He sighed and kissed her forehead after ensuring that she would not throw her cards at him. "I am sorry," he said, "but I kinda promised your father that I would keep an eye on you."

"The two of you really have to stop this overprotective attitude," she huffed, slightly insulted.

* * *

_beware_, v.

Technically, she had warned him. She had told him that her father had spotted the ring on her finger when they had met for lunch and therefore, he should have been prepared. Sadly, there was no such thing as 'being prepared' when Gildarts was involved someone. Thus, the Lightening Dragon Slayer, second strongest mage of Fairy Tail, flew backwards and straight through a wall when the fist of the number one mage connected with his chin. Erza and Mira came running but even Satan Soul Sitri would not be enough to separate the both fighting S-class mages.

"Dad and Laxus!" Cana screamed as she appeared in the new door in the guild building. "Stop this at once! You will destroy the whole building if you keep doing this! Stop, I said!"

"Yes, a battle!" Natsu announced as he lifted his fist – only to feel how his wrist was grabbed by Mira who was not amused by the current situation. And Mira was one scary lady.

"Gildarts, Laxus – what is going on?" Makarov inquired as he arrived.

"Cana – is that a new ring on your finger?" Juvia asked in all innocence but this was when everyone but Natsu understood why the both S-class mages had been fighting.

* * *

_blemish_, m.

Her fingers traced his scar on his face before they slowly danced down before they followed the extended lines of his tattoo. Her eyes were closed because she knew all the scars and lines by heart and she did not have to see them. At the moment, she was incapable of seeing anyway because the last job had ended in a small fiasco as she had looked straight into a light ray spell which had messed up her eyes. As a Card Mage, she needed to be able to see her target in order to aim properly and therefore, she had no choice but to take the medicine Porlyusica had given her – and she had to protect her eyes from the light. She used this time wisely, training to rely on her remaining senses and Laxus who had announced that he would stay with her while she was recovering was her current book because all the scars and other traces of a life of won and lost battles told her such an interesting story that even her favourite book had a hard time to compete.

* * *

_bolster,_ v.

When he realised that the anniversary of her mother's death was approaching, he was especially careful with her and her emotions. She had shared the story about her mother's death on that S-class mission more than twenty years a few months after she had joined the guild and he knew that she sometimes had to speak about what had happened back then. Since she could not speak with Gildarts for various reasons (for once, he hurt enough about his late wife's death in her opinion) Laxus was always the one who heard the stories about Cornelia Alberona.

But until she was ready to speak with him about the pain inside her chest, he would always give her the time and space to figure out how she felt about it because this often changed.

* * *

_breach_, n. fig.

She did not care much about the reasons why he had done it or what he had thought when he had made his decisions. And most importantly, she did not want to hear that he had never meant to hurt her, that it had been an accident and that she had been collateral damage because according to him, she had not even supposed to be in town and that it was therefore her own fault that she had been there and gotten injured. The only thing she cared about was that he had hurt her trust in him as if it had never meant anything to him – and this hurt more than anything else.

* * *

_breathing_, n.

Makarov knew that his grandson had had asthma as a child but when Ivan – who was hopefully rotting in some prison right now had – had implanted the Lightening Dragon Lacrima into his son, the asthma had disappeared mysteriously. It did seem, however, like Laxus was having trouble with the easiest of tasks at the moment and for a moment, the old man feared that Laxus might relapse into the days when he had been hardly able to play outside because his asthma had been triggered by pollen of many kinds and there were many flowers around him right now.

But when he followed his grandson's gaze, he saw his granddaughter-in-law and seeing that Juvia and Erza did one hell of a good job with the wedding dress, Laxus' sudden inability to breathe was explained and the old man could relax a little bit,

* * *

_breathtaking_, adj.

She had always hated how easily his stupid, arrogant smirk could take her breath away but she hated it more when he was no longer there to smirk. Sure, they had argued and it had gotten from an argument to a physical fight (which was the reason why she was currently staying at her father's place – thankfully, Gildarts was on out a job but their apartment was completely destroyed) but she had not expected him to slam the door shut behind him.

Stupid Laxus.

She did not even know why she bothered with him anyway. Everything he had ever done had resulted in pain and/or injuries on her behalf and she was better off without him anyway. She huffed as she left the apartment to buy some wine. She _was_ currently pouting after all and being seen in the guildhall was nothing she wanted right now. Three steps into the hallway, she collided with something warm and firm, a person who wore a coat just like Laxus.

She cancelled the thought as she tried to sidestep the person but there was no avail.

"Hey there, Cana," Laxus said as he bent down to kiss her. "I got something for you."

He then proceeded to take her breath away once more.


	3. c - from cache to covet

_cache_, n.

He was helping Gildarts to tidy up the older man's house for one reason or another when he found a dark blue folder, partly hidden in the book shelf. While he tried to pull it out, the folder opened and a mess of magical cards, photos and hastily written notes appeared on the floor.

Gildarts who had been cleaning the windows turned around and the tips of his ears became red. "I … I…" he started to say before he finally caught himself. "Those are reminders," he stated.

"Reminders?" Laxus asked as he stared at the colourful mess where a wedding picture was partly hidden from his view because another letter had fallen on top of it.

"Yes," the Crash Mage said. "It sounds silly but those letters and pictures are – along with Cana – the only proof I have that I once had a beautiful wife called Cornelia."

Laxus did not think that it was silly and when he got home, he took all the notes and letters he could find and put them all together into a crimson folder to hide it in his book shelf.

* * *

_cajole_, v.

He would never have guessed it but she was scared of lightening. In a way, that was strangely ironic because he was the Lightening Dragon Slayer. It was even crazier when he remembered that her favourite attack, Jolt of Fate, was lightening-based and she was using it like there was no tomorrow – especially when she got impatient and wanted to end a battle fast and without much further ado. But when he had accepted it, he tried to cure her from this fear. And when he finally thought of a way, he nearly slapped himself because it was ridiculously easy – and not even particularly crazy which surprised him a little bit.

The day Laxus Dreyar decided to cure Cana Alberona's fear of lightening was also the day he decided to go camping and someone who had been camping with her such as Gray, Natsu and Lisanna might have warned him that this was not the greatest idea he had ever had because Cana was not exactly a fan of camping. And as she moped and complained, he had to breathe deeply and to remind himself that he was doing this out of love.

* * *

_candid_, adj.

Erza Scarlet prided herself to be a rather intelligent woman and to be capable of understanding quite quickly why some couples in the guild – such as Alzack and Bisca or Gray and Juvia were meant to be. While she was rather socially awkward because of her traumatising childhood, she sometimes studied her nakama to figure out why they acted in one way or another. And therefore, she was one of the first to notice that Laxus was acting differently from before.

And she was not the only one who saw the change.

"He is definitively dating someone," Mira stated as the both former rivals watched the Lightening Mage as he strolled over to his favourite chair after getting a drink from the bar. "He smiled today. Do you remember the last time he smiled like this, Erza? Well, I don't."

"But when he is dating someone … who would it be?" the red-haired woman asked as she looked around in the guildhall. "Knowing him, it has to be a mage … maybe even one of us…"

"I got no clue but there is Cana – she has been hanging out with him lately, she might know."

"When exactly did they stop ripping out each other's throat anyway?" the Knight asked amused.

"A few weeks ago, just after he was back," the barmaid shrugged. "They are usually the last ones left in the guild when I go hom-" She froze midword, obviously realising something. "They always hang out together, Cana got a hickey and Laxus is smiling…"

"You don't think…" Erza muttered as she connected the dots.

"Well – there's one way to figure out the mystery," Mira grinned. "Oi, Cana – if you answer this question, any drinks you drink tonight are on the house … are you dating Laxus?"

The deep blush on the Card Mage's face gave it away but Cana would not be Cana if she would be unable to counter. "And it took you this long to figure out?" she huffed.

* * *

_canvas_, n.

The very first night they slept in their shared apartment, neither of them could sleep and as he lay awake, he wondered whether she regretted their decision to move in together. If it had been affordable, she would probably have kept her own apartment but that would have been only dumb because the last three months before he had opened up the 'dangerous topic' as Gray had put it half a year ago, she had been nearly living at his place anyway. The only reason why they had bought an apartment together was that his old one would have been too small on the long run.

So, there they were. She was feigning sleep – not very well, he had to add because her eyes were open and she was staring at the wall – and he was staring at the ceiling.

"It will be better once we paint the walls," he sighed. "It will be different once Reedus finished the paintings we asked him to make for the apartment."

* * *

_catalyst_, n.

Socially awkward as he was, he had been still searching for the right words when she had said it. It still never failed to surprise him that she had said it first because somehow, he had expected that he would be faster than her. He had not expected it then, either. He had been sitting on the couch, reading one of his old books when the music lacrima stopped and he rose to choose another album. He had nearly reached the small table with the lacrima when she cleared her throat. "I love you," she simply said, without a preamble or an introduction. She simply said what she felt.

And while he hastily assured her that he loved her as well, he could not help but wonder why she had said it then, on a normal if not completely boring Tuesday afternoon. He never asked why she had said it then – whether she had realised it just then or whether she had known it for a while and had waited for the right moment to tell him. And if it was the latter, what had made this Tuesday afternoon the right moment?

After their mutual confession, they sat on the couch, basking in silence as the music lacrima still stood on the table, forgotten for the time being.

* * *

_catharsis_, n.

It was the self-hatred that surprised him more than anything else. He had never expected it to hurt so much but this last argument had gotten quite out of control and so he had walked away, afraid to say anything wrong. Once he had been out of town with an S-class request in his pocket, he had realised that his decision to walk away had been the stupidest thing he had ever done.

It was not her fault but it was also not his because deep down, they were both as inexperienced as children. Technically, they were playing the adults' game without knowing the rules.

And so, when he got back with his pocket full of cash – half of it would be used for the renovation of their apartment, he made his way to his grandfather because the old man had done this before and would be able to help him somehow, he was sure of it.

"Say, gramps, how does this proposal-thing work?" he asked and for a moment, he feared that Makarov who had survived everything so far would die from a heart attack.

* * *

_caveat_, n.

He had learned to tolerate her moods after the first painful encounters with whatever had been in her reach when she had gotten mad at him and while he could accept pancakes with wasabi and chocolate on top of it or whatever she was craving, he was not so sure whether he really wanted to name a son Alberich. He also was not sure whether they really needed to buy the pink princess castle with the real diamonds – but then again, she had not said that they had to buy it either. This would have been his own grandfather who had been backstabbing him a lot lately … maybe this was Makarov's Late Revenge for the event before Fantasia but Laxus was not too sure.

He only knew with absolute certainty that he had never been happier than the moment the nurse had told him that he had a daughter because no one would call a girl Alberich. Cornelia was a far cuter name anyway – and it was Gildarts approved as well.

* * *

_champagne_, n.

The moment, Laxus and Gildarts finally stopped to fight, Lisanna appeared with a few bottles of champagne which were kept in the guild for festive events and if the engagement was not a festive event, she would not know what else would. Makarov tried to hold a speech but it was interrupted again and again with various declarations ranging from Gildarts' _"Hurt my daughter and I will kill you, Dreyar"_ over Erza's and Mira's duet of _"I told you so"_s and ending with Gray's own speech on the topic _"How I am going to murder Laxus Dreyar when he hurts Cana"_ which was slightly more elaborate than Gildarts' and did not fail to let Laxus pale.

After ten minutes of a speech no one was listening to, Makarov finally gave up and smashed his glass against Gildarts. "Congratulations, brats!" he announced as the newly engaged couple smiled. Well, Cana beamed and Laxus looked not too annoyed so yes, they were smiling.

* * *

_circuitous_, adj.

She reveals her childhood (or the few years before she had joined Fairy Tail) in small portions and he does the same with the years before she had been in the guild as well. She said things like _"That was before my mother died on that S-class mission"_ and he asked _"Your mother was an S-class mage? Which guild did she belong to?"_ to which she would reply _"Yes, she was an S-class mage in Mermaid Heel"_ and this was the way he learned that this was why she had called Mermaid Heel's master Aunty Serena when they had met during the Grand Magic Games.

He said things like _"That was before my grandmother left"_ and she would ask _"Who is your grandmother, anyway?"_ and he would tell her the whole story about how Makarov and Porlyusica had met and fallen in love, the story that inevitable ended with _"…and when she could no longer stand what my father had become, she left and lived in the forest ever since."_

This was the way they learned more and more about each other to the point that he could easily the retell the story of how one of the girls in her old village had yanked on her hair once and how the scalp had bled upon the violent removal of a complete strand of hair.

* * *

_clandestine_, adj.

They were good at hiding their relationship, Gajeel had to admit as much. Most of the little moments of familiarity went unnoticed and others seemed to be read as signs of friendship by the rest of the guild. But no one could lie to a dragon slayer's nose and yet, Gajeel felt like he was the only one who had noticed something. But then again, Salamander was famous for being denser than a rock and Wendy was probably too young to realise what the thick layer of Laxus' scent on Cana truly meant. The Iron Dragon Slayer preferred it this way because so he was the only one to tease Laxus and _boy_ that was fun – especially since the couple seemed to have some kind of deal to hide their relationship and so Laxus never protested or walked away when Gajeel was teasing him.

"…so, when are you and Booze Chick going to tell the guild that you're dating?" Gajeel asked with a wide, _teasing_ smirk that would have given Wendy nightmares for ages. "Or are you too scared that Super Daddy would beat you up for even thinking of his precious daughter that way?"

"I do not need to listen to you, Gajeel. As far as I am concerned, you are utterly incapable of confessing to Levy … and she is not half as scary as Gildarts," Laxus huffed. "Yeah, I can admit that I rather don't have him killing me for dating his daughter … but what's your excuse, Gajeel? What could a fearless Iron Dragon Slayer such as you keep from confessing to the one he loves?"

"You did not just go there," the black-haired man growled. "Are you crazy, Dreyar?"

* * *

_commonplace_, n.

Most of the time, it was balanced.

She noticed his coat on the couch and missed him even though he was only in the other room and when she was sure that he could not see her, she wrapped the coat around her and simply inhaled his scent of thunderstorms and the cold of the winter air outside. But when she got to the guild and heard how he taunted Natsu, _again_, it was exactly the stinging pain in her heart that she hated because this was not the man she loved, this was merely his shadow. She needed a drink and just as usual, Gray would hand her one without questions, without even a single word.

He, on the other hand, would notice the cards she no longer used, cards she had scattered all over her apartment for various reasons – one of them was most likely self-defence – and he would pick them up when they fell onto the floor. And for a moment, he would miss her. But then, he would get the guild where she would be drinking with Gray or even Macao and jealousy flared up inside of him – and he would end up provoking Natsu just to distract himself.

* * *

_community_, n.

After all the years she had spent in the guild, she knew the faces of everyone in the guild – even the face of Mystogan but he had asked her to keep his secret and seeing that she had quite a few secrets of her own, she had agreed. But for some reason, she often wondered how they managed to stay the same no matter how much time passed. She assumed that she could be away for a year and the moment she would return, nothing would have changed.

This scared her sometimes because while most mages stayed in Fairy Tail, there were always a few who quit for various reasons – mostly love – and when she met them somewhere, she often wondered whether she should greet them or not. But how was she supposed to greet a stranger?

_"Hey – don't I know you from somewhere?"_

So she never said anything and accepted the awkward silence even though this was not what being nakama, even former nakama, was supposed to feel like. Of course, as one of the more popular members of Fairy Tail, she was aware that many of her fellow mages had envied her of the attention she got in public – and that she had been chosen for the S-class exam three years running now without ever getting even close to passing. Laxus, Erza and Mira had all passed and she was still waiting for the moment she would finally, finally pass the goddamn exam.

"Don't bother with them," a calm voice said as Laxus sat down on the second chair at the table. "It's not your fault that they are like this. Greatness is usually envied, remember that."

"Is this your awkward way of cheering me up?" she inquired.

"Yes, probably it is," he said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, I need to go now … see you back at the guildhall … and try not to get in trouble, Cana."

She nodded as she watched him leave before she realised that this had been the first time in more than a year that they had spoken like this, without any bitterness or regrets lacing their voices.

As she returned to the guild that day, she was smiling.

* * *

_composure_, n.

She was silent and this was what made him worry. Of course, he had told her what she had not want to hear, he had told her of his drunken one night stand. It had happened while he had been excommunicated and wandering through Fiore, when he had been drunker than she on the fateful evening Bacchus had beaten her in the drinking competition. Looking back, he assumed that she had known that there was something but of course, up to know, it had not been sure. He quickly assured her that he was sorry and that he felt terrible for cheating on her but she raised her hand and shook her head, claiming that he could not have cheated on her because they had not been a couple, then. _Of course_, he wanted to say, _but I still feel this way._Cana did not let him say anything and maybe, this was for the better.

She sat there and fought to keep her composure and in her eyes, he read her fear. _'If I lose it now, I will lose you as well, won't I?'_ the purplish blue orbs asked him as he waited for her answer.

* * *

_concurrence_, n.

Fantasia was a very big deal to everyone in Fairy Tail but as the only children, it was an even bigger deal to Cana and Laxus who had been missing from their usual spot in the guild for two weeks running now – and by now, even Makarov who was usually more than happy to let them roam through town had noticed and was worried. To ensure that they were save, Macao and Wakaba set out to check on them, simply to make sure that they were not blowing up building all over Magnolia. (Makarov sometimes had an overactive imagination and had been nearly crying at the idea to have to pay for whatever havoc the missing youngsters were currently wreaking.)

But the both adults found the missing children in one of the sheds behind the guild building where they were working on very fancy costumes – most likely for the parade.

"…we will outshine the lousy adults!" Laxus said, nearly cheerfully. "Just wait and see, Cana-chan, one day, I will be the greatest mage in Fairy Tail … even better than Gildarts."

"No," she said as she shook her head. "Gildarts is the strongest mage in Fairy Tail and he will forever be the strongest mage of Fairy Tail. You can be the strongest when he retires."

"But I got to be the strongest now – so that I can protect you," he said as he ruffled her hair.

"If the master's brat wasn't such a loner, I might actually consider him as cute," Macao sighed.

"I think it's cute that his ambition to become stronger than Gildarts is to protect her," his friend shrugged. "I mean, no one even dared to dream of being stronger than Gildarts since this man is a monster … but you know what they say about a mage in love – no one and nothing can stop him."

"Wakaba, the boy's only twelve and she's seven!" the Fire Mages scolded. "It's far too early to think about those things … but you are right … they will be cute together in the future."

* * *

_confluence_, n.

Cana would forever remember her twentieth birthday and shiver at the memory because it had been too awkward. Laxus and she had officially announced that they were dating a few days earlier and had invited their respective friends into their shared apartment and even though the guests had known each other before, it was very strange. Her friends and the Thundergod Tribe – it had felt unreal and extremely awkward and there was nothing they could do. His friends stood in one corner as hers stood in the other one.

It was – and this surprised everyone – Evergreen who made the first step. This was such a big surprise because Evergreen usually only interacted with a few chosen ones like her teammates, Laxus, Elfman and Erza to a certain extend. When she fearlessly crossed the room and asked Lucy whether the blonde would help her with the cake, she shattered the ice. Cana would always be grateful for this spark, for this tiny interaction because seconds later, Elfman claimed that it was manly to help two women and Mira asked Fried for help with the drinks as Bixslow dragged Lisanna to the music lacrima and made her choose the first song.

Natsu finally woke from his stupor and challenged Laxus to a fight and with every small action, the atmosphere became less and less artificial – and in the very end, it felt like any other party but Cana had learned her lesson: sharing sweet kisses and whispered words and a comfy bed was one thing but as soon as friends were involved, it became disgustingly complicated.

* * *

_contiguous_, adj.

During Fantasia, Erza wanted to laugh at her own childish naïveté but she remembered just too clear how she and Mira had once, before Lisanna's death, in another lifetime, agreed on only one thing: that Laxus and Cana made one hell of a cute and disgustingly adorable couple. They had drawn pictures of how they imagined them to look later on and they had come up with a cute name for the couple-to-be as they had plotted countless schemes to get them together.

Right now, Erza regretted these thoughts more than anything else because Laxus was sure as hell not the right one for Cana – given that the Card Mage had not some kind of soft spot for power-hungry lunatics. The red-haired Exquip Mage even felt a tad of guilt because before Laxus had distanced himself from everyone in the guild, she had joined Mira in countless quests to get them together. She laughed bitterly as she remembered Quest _Broom Closet_ #1 to #24 and Quest _Only One Free Room In The Inn, We Are Sorry_ #1 to #47 because it was not unlikely that Cana had some kind of feelings for Laxus by now.

"I am sorry, Cana," Erza muttered to herself as she ran through Magnolia. "I didn't mean to hurt you … and neither did Mira. We did not expect him to lose it like this. I make it alright again."

This was the meeting point, the convergence between love and heartache and right now, Cana was standing right there because while her heart had not been broken yet, it would happen the very moment Evergreen would lift her Stone Spell.

* * *

_corrode_, v.

For the longest time, she had kept him sane and on the right path. The only reason why he had waited this long with his quest to become Fairy Tail's master had been that he had never meant to hurt her and he knew that she was fiercely loyal to his grandfather, no matter how much she loved him. And it had been alright for him. He had her love. He did not need her loyalty as long as she stayed faithful. For years, he had invested time and efforts into their relationship and he had enjoyed to see how his hard work was rewarded with a blooming relationship, with her love.

And then, one night, he made a mistake. After their latest argument, he had not returned to her side, he had not apologised. The gap between them had suddenly been too wide for them to cross it again and he had ignored her importance to him.

This had sealed his fate because all his self-control had fallen apart without her and Fantasia had happened even though this was, technically, the last thing he had ever wanted because it hurt her. He saw her pain about his betrayal in her eyes as she spotted him in the crowd and he knew that words would never be able to fix what he had done to her – he would have to become stronger, strong enough to protect her. And if it meant to be stronger than Gildarts – challenge accepted.

* * *

_covet_, v.

There was one huge difference between them. She wanted things other people had like especially rare cards or a beautiful new purse to carry her cards around while he wanted things that he had had once upon a time or what he believed he would want one day in the future.

But every now and then, she was just like him. When they visited Erza and the redhead was all stressed out and Jellal hugged her and handed her a cup of tea and a slice of strawberry cake, she was nearly jealous because they looked exhausted because of all the dangerous jobs they took on and yet, they were absolutely happy with the twins running around.


	4. d - from daunting to dumbfounded

_daunting_, adj.

After his return, he wondered when she had gotten this intimidating. She still got nothing on Erza, of course, but she towered over their nakama, strong and reborn with new confidence since she had finally solved the Gildarts-problem. In a way, this stubborn pride amused him to no end. Fairy Tail had been ruined under Macao's leadership and yet, she firmly believed that one day, the guild would return to its former glory – no matter how unrealistic this sounded right now.

She still believed in Fairy Tail's big dream, in the old fairytales and her faith encouraged him to with the Thundergod Tribe when everyone left to train. Everyone had to grow now, had to become stronger now, even him.

* * *

_deadlock_, n.

They were walking in circles, ever since the Dark Guild Crimson Ace had messed with Fairy Tail, ever since she had broken her arm. He felt guilty because he should have protected her but he had failed. He withdrew, took more S-classed jobs and kept his distance without truly letting go as she hit new lows, drinking more and more whenever he got hurt on a job. Every drop of blood he shed was answered with another barrel of beer and the more she drank the less he could bear to see her this depressed.

They were spiralling down, down, down – completely out of control and whenever one of them fell deeper than before, the other one fell as well and so they dragged each other down.

* * *

_deciduous_, adj. bot.

Even Cana Alberona who was infamous for her pants-bikini-top-combination she wore most of the time was sensible enough to wear pullovers and coats when winter hit Fiore and snow covered the landscape. Strangely, this was the time of the year when she took the most requests. Gray always claimed that she did this because she needed the cash for the midwinter presents but Laxus who had known the Card Mage even longer knew that Cana did this because her mother had been a huge fan of the winter and so Cana had grown up in the North, among snowball fights and hot chocolate after days on the ice rink. But Laxus was still happy as soon as spring came and the coats and pullovers disappeared again because he had, after all, a certain weakness for attractive women and Cana was a very attractive one.

* * *

_defunct_, adj.

It was a common knowledge in the guild that Laxus had a soft spot for Cana even though he tried to hide it at least a little bit. Many of the women envied the Card Mage – not for the fact that Laxus gave her so much attention but the fact that she got someone who usually brought back little presents from his jobs. (Seeing that Laxus had been reinstated as an S-class mage right after his return and that he took S-class jobs meant that he got to more interesting places and could bring back really awesome presents.) Bisca would be able to tell a story about all the pretty bracelets Laxus had given Cana for the most random of reasons, Erza would be able to remember all the foreign candies Cana had gotten along the years for any remotely important date but Juvia was the one who knew about the greatest present Laxus had ever brought back from a quest because she had been the one who had been there when the parcel had fallen into Cana's lap.

Later on, Cana had explained that it had been the date of the fifteenth anniversary of their initial meeting and this very special present was a set of ancient magical cards, no longer to be used but extremely expensive and barely to pay for an ordinary mage. This was how the Card Mage explained her emotional outburst and why she had kissed Laxus right there.

Lucky for her and him, Juvia had been the only one to see and Juvia could keep a secret.

* * *

_detachment_, n.

She had always been very gifted at distancing herself from whatever was heavy on her shoulders. Maybe this was the consequence of losing the mother at such a young age, she did not know. She only knew that it was often a gift to be able to judge from afar even though you were directly involved. Of course, he had betrayed her just as much he had betrayed the rest of the guild and she had felt like he had backstabbed her – which he had done metaphorically by ordering Evergreen to petrify her and literally by ordering Fried to kill her but she could forgive him these things.

He had apologised after all and knowing how rare his apologises were, she had accepted it even though it had hurt to know that he had denied her. But then again, neither had she taken responsibility for the terrible events of Fantasia and all the injured people. She had been his girlfriend for two years until they had broken up shortly before Lucy had joined the guild and she should have been there to bring him back to reason instead of being a fancy statue.

And seeing that she blamed herself, she easily shed of her loyalty to the guild as well as her love for him to judge him fairly. She could accept many things as long as she understood the reason behind it and therefore, she would stay neutral on the topic until there would be an explication.

* * *

_disabuse_, n.

Cornelia Alberona had been a very wise woman and therefore she had given her daughter advice before the mission had killed her. One of those words of wisdom had been "Only wear shoes that fit perfectly – the blisters aren't worth it even when the shoes look amazing" and along the years, Cana had realised that her mother had not really spoken about shoes – which would not even have made sense because her mother had mostly worn high heels, beautiful but hardly comfortable shoes. No, Cornelia had talked about opinions and especially about opinions on other people.

And so Cana adjusted and readjusted her opinions on everything and everyone whenever she deemed it necessary. When Gray became her friend, he was no longer _that weird boy who always strips_ but _the awesome Ice Mage who is really tough_ and when Juvia appeared, Gray was labelled as _either absolutely dense or simply ignorant_ and when he finally accepted Juvia's feelings, she called him _the only member of Erza's gang who actually realises something_.

But no matter how many times she adjusted her opinion on Gray, she had to revaluate Laxus many times more because he was simply confusing and always sent her mixed signals. Half the time, she had hardly been sure whether he considered her a friend thus he became her pair of uncomfortable shoes and along the years, she lost count of all the times she wanted to kill him for being such a rude jerk. He was her friend, sure, but she still sometimes wanted to shove a few explosive cards down his throat because no matter how socially awkward he was, he had not to bully the younger members of their guild. (She sometimes wondered whether he had left her alone because she had been his only friend or whether it was because she had been there longer than anyone else.)

But in the end, she always realised that she still loved him, no matter how much of a jerk he was.

* * *

_disarray_, n.

To be excommunicated was embarrassing and he sure as hell would not stay in Magnolia where Fairy Tail resided in all its glory. No, he would leave the city and travel, always hoping that he would find a place where he would belong to. And so he returned to his apartment which he would never give up and packed his bag. And as he looked for his stuff, he found her old magical cards everywhere. They were in between of his books, partly hidden under the carpet and generally scattered all over the rooms. For a moment, he considered picking them all up to return them to her but then he shook his head. She most likely knew where they were and when she wanted them back, she would have her methods to break into the empty flat to steal them back from him.

She probably still had the key to his apartment anyway and so she would be able to enter without a problem and since so many cards of hers were still here she come very soon. He had apologised and now, he could only wait ad wonder what she would do next.

As he turned to leave and opened the door, a few of her tarot cards fell from the doorframe onto him and he could not help but sigh. Lovers. Fool. Magician. Strength. Wheel of Fortune. Taking a guess, he assumed that those cards had ended up there via coincidence and yet, he wished that she had left them there for him to find by sneaking into his apartment right after the battle.

* * *

_dispel_, v.

Cana had been drinking in the guildhall as usually, depressed and feeling miserable just as always since the Battle of Fairy Tail and just when she was about to consider taking a job to leave the town for a moment, Mira and Erza approached her and the way Erza looked at her with hazel eyes full of guilt and how Mira grabbed her hands and apologised over and over again.

"We are so, so sorry," Erza said as she held out a strawberry cake. "We were terrible friends!"

"Could you tell me why you think so?" Cana asked as she looked at the cake in terror. Erza did not share her cake so it had to be a devious trick.

"We caused you so much pain, Cana," Mira said as she nearly broke the Card Mage's hands. "It was us who caused all the little coincidences … Erza and I threatened the owners of the inns into telling you and Lax- _him_ that there's only one free room left … I blackmailed Natsu into pushing you into broom closets before I pushed him into it as well."

And this was how the former rivals finally unravelled the mystery why those things had always happened to Cana and Laxus even though it was sad in a way because the old mystery had always fascinated Cana and it had been the subject of thousand drunken musings.

* * *

_dissonance_, n.

There was one big difference between them. She needed Fairy Tail as a replacement for her lost family and she craved power to pass the S-class exam to overcome her fate of watching her father from afar all the time while he needed power to overcome himself and his pathetic limits while he craved for the control over Fairy Tail because _how could someone who had harmed his nakama join his guild?_ It was not even that Levy McGarden and her pathetic teammates meant something to Laxus. He knew them because Fried always said that Levy was really smart but under normal circumstances, he would not even have cared. But during the fights against Phantom Lord, Cana had been in the crossfire and while she had not been visiting the sickbay, he had heard from a few former Phantom Lord mages he had beaten up for good measure that she had taken minor injuries. And so, he was not a fan of Gajeel Redfox and Juvia Lockser as nakama.

* * *

_doldrums_, n.

"…Lu-chan, the last few chapters were pretty dark and … unhappy," Levy said as she sat down with the blonde. "Is something on your mind? Do I have to worry about you?"

"No, it's just … I felt very inspired to write dramatic dialogues lately," the Celestial Spirit mage replied as she looked around in the guild. "Seriously, Levy-chan, I'm not depressed – it's only that … well, it's Cana, okay? For some reason, her sadness influences my ink and my writing."

The blue-haired girl bit her lower lip. "It's really bad with her, huh?" she sighed. "She was in the guild long before I joined, sure, but in all the years I've known her, I never saw her so unhappy. And she is really bad a hiding her growing desperation. Mira says that a man is involved but she didn't mention any names … and that's what worries me because it's Mira. Mira gossips all the time as long as she doesn't feel like she has to protect someone."

"Erza snapped at Gray for teasing Cana yesterday," Lucy sighed. "Maybe something happened and Mira and Erza both know but refuse to say anything because they promised."

* * *

_dumbfounded_, adj.

Natsu was not as stupid as he looked but he was slightly confused and pretty much lost when he noticed the first signs. He smelled Cana's scent on Laxus' clothes and his on hers – and as long as Laxus was not borrowing bikini tops from Cana to wear them, there was no other explanation but that they had been very close lately. But this was only the first hint. Others followed soon enough. There was this strange bruise on Cana's neck and the smug smirk that tugged on the corners of Laxus' mouth as Gray mentioned the bruise – only that he called it a 'hickey'. Natsu saw all the pieces and as he put them together, he came to the conclusion that the two other mages were most likely dating.

The only thing that made absolutely no sense to the Dragon Slayer was why someone as kind and normal as Cana even bothered with a jerk like Laxus.


End file.
